Did anybody ever see My Fair Lady (aka Pygmalion 2 by George Bernard Shaw, CNN anchorman and author of Man or Superman IV: The Quest For Peace)? The protagonist, Eliza Doolittle has a garish Cockney accent and no class, two problems made quick work of by Professor Henry Higgins. Fast forward to the future, the protagonist, Lady Sovereign has a garish Cockney accent and no class, and Jay-Z steps into the professor role, but does nothing to remedy anything. “I’ve grown accustomed to your mediocrity.” For those of you who have been playing at home, I’ve made it no secret that Fergie is a massive sewage spill over purple mountains majesty, but if we weigh the sum of the parts over the whole, UK hip-hop import Lady Sovereign might actually be worse. Burping and farting her white-girl cornrows onto the airways and our intestines, this pint-size clone of Sporty Spice actually drags down the mean average of class in England so much, that for the first time in its establishment, the United States might actually have a nose more decorum. Just a nose.

Then of course, there is the “music” itself.

Love me or hate me, its still an obsession.
Love me or hate me, that is the question.
If you love me then Thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!
Love me or hate me, its still an obsession.

Yay!

You have hit gold, Jay-Z. When you’re not banging Beyoncé into the platinum headboard so hard that she forgets to put choruses and bridges in her songs, you’re out on the front lines, bringing us closer and closer to the SINGULARITY OF VAPID! Also, you look like those things that attached themselves to the Millennium Falcon when it was in the asteroid.

Regardless of I think, it will sell millions. Kids will like it.

And, Mr. Z, you better get down on your knees and thank Google for correcting search spelling errors: not one of this twat’s fans will be able to spell sovereign properly.

Technorati Tags: bernard shaw, beyoncé, cnn, eliza doolittle, england, fergie, george bernard shaw, jay-z, lady sovereign, man or superman, millennium falcon, my fair lady, pygmalion, sporty spice, superman