A.E.: I noticed that you don’t have a closet filled with the same outfit like I did. Steve Jobs does.

M.M.: First of all, fuck you for bringing that up. I fully understand that I may be expending more brain power than I should in deciding what to wear each day, but I’m of the opinion that the day(s) spent deciding what to wear every day for the rest of your life is by far more of a embolism-forming maneuver than fretting for a tiny cosmic second on what you are going to wear on a certain day. For the record, you looked crazy and Steve Jobs, god bless him, looks like a rehabilitated child molester in his clothes. I like Steve a lot, and as many people in my circle have pointed out I would “felate him [given] the chance” (this, of course, couldn’t be more remote from the truth), but let’s face it, Al, I’d choose the Nation of Islam bowtie from the 80s over the jeans and turtleneck look.

A.E.: That’s fine, but I don’t think it addresses the question.

M.M.: You didn’t even ask a question, genius. You made a statement.

A.E.: But wouldn’t you agree that a “question” is more of an arbitration of language provoking a more accute response by means of
a punctuation mark? If a statement incites a relevant response despite its broader grammatical inplications, then, for the purposes
of our chat today and any other day, would you agree that a “loaded” statement could be defined as a question?

M.M.: Wait, holmes, I’m confused, do you want me to answer the first question or these questions?

A.E.: Answer these questions first, I think.

M.M.: But they’re totally irrelevant and I think that by the time we have satisfactorily debated your stupid “question” issue, I
won’t have the grits left to deal with the first one. Even though it wasn’t a question.

A.E.: Moving on –

M.M.: That’s what I thought.

A.E.: Moving on. You took some acid your freshman year in college and claimed to have bridged the gap between Newtonian and
particle physics - the “missing rungs on the ladder,” if you will.

M.M.: Just ask a question. I understand your point, but if you are going to be a serious journalist here, you really have to pose
direct questions or your reader is going to think that you are affecting this “statement-as-question” bullshit. This isn’t Rolling
Stone.

A.E.: No it’s not…ok, what –

M.M.: Good.

A.E.: — is the missing link in physics that you claimed to have discovered?

M.M.: Now what kind of question is that?

A.E.: See, that’s my point entirely! When I state the broad issue, it allows you to freely disclose what you think is relevant about
it. When I try to get specific like that, it sounds like a god damned nine year old is interviewing his principal for the third grade
Xerox.

M.M.: Well, then maybe you shouldn’t be a journalist if you can’t word the questions properly?

A.E.: Wait, why was there a question mark at the end of that?

M.M.: At the end of what?

A.E.: The “statement” you clearly just amde about me not being a journalist.

M.M.: But you shouldn’t be, you should stick to being a physicist.

A.E.: First of all, I’m not a physicist, I’m dead. Second of all, you said “maybe you shouldn’t be a journalist if you can’t word the
questions properly” and you put a question mark at the end.

M.M.: You heard that?

A.E.: I’m omnipotent.

M.M.: Maybe I just typed it by accident….%

A.E.: Percent?

M.M.: What?

A.E.: It doesn’t matter that you typed it, I heard you say “percent.” That’s just stupid, now you’re testing me.

M.M. Î äm ñøt!

A.E.: Stop it!

M.M.: Fuck you, Einstein!

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