Dear Everyone:

For those of you with a fear of Saints, today is the feast of Michaelmas. I’ll take gifts and sacrifices, most of them are on my Amazon Bridal Registry (I couldn’t find the
registries for semigods or hopeful despots).

I’d like to flavor today’s celebration with a cautionary tale in which the lesson to be learned is this: care for your eyeballs, because without them, you won’t be able to see
where you are going. And also to be careful to avoid the worst pain ever.

On Tuesday evening, I made my way to the bathroom sink to rid my face of stubble. Placing my thumb on the release of the can of shaving cream, the stream of blue
death came fast and furious - ricocheting off of my palm and square into my left eye. I’m not talking a little spatter landing close enough to my eye to cause some pain, I’m
talking about a steady stream of Gillette shave gel shooting directly into my pupil for a good five seconds. Please see the diagram for more information.

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