While I am holding my official standings until the inevitable 3 Fast, 3 Furious, I would like to say that Stealth is the most
unapologetically stupid movie I have seen since Dee Snider’s Strangeland*. Again, I am left wondering “is anyone reading these
scripts?”
In case you haven’t seen it, here’s an accurate and scientifically proven recipe for making Stealth:

Take some butt-slapping flyboy machismo from Top Gun

Add some lame “trust fall” sixth-grade pseudophilosophy bullshit from Mission To Mars

Skim all plausibility off the top

Stir in a dash of I, Robot’s flagrant disrespect for any established tenets of artificial intelligence

Steal from 2001, because mainstream Hollywood hasn’t raped Stanley Kubrick’s corpse quite enough just yet

Hell, throw in a love story, cause the whole affair is going to be as bland as a communion wafer anyway

Add a dash of dialogue so strained, you’ll find yourself yearning for the stinging barb of Bazooka Joe comics

Give it Solo’s release window.

And BOOM! Movie!

I’m sure at the summation of this project, the parties involved - as they were consuming much mead and filing down their horns -
had a good laugh and wondered which Oscar category could accommodate the fruits of their labor. *FART NOISE*

*I strongly recommend actually watching Dee Snider’s Strangeland as pure example of when an “artist” whose success was based
in full on a large-scale error in human history is given the freedom to exercise his vision. Dee Snider, I salute your sewage-grade
ambition, and look forward to the next endeavor.

Technorati Tags: 2001, bazooka joe, dee snider’s strangeland, i, robot, mission to mars, oscars, solo, stealth, the fast and the furious, top gun