It’s very rare that all the elements in a television advertisement can come together and completely assault the senses with such horror
as Kraft’s current “Wiggle” campaign for the Jell-O brand. For those of you strong enough to resist the warm blue glow of the TV, I’ll fill you in - thus far I have seen two commercials, one for sugar free Jell-O proper featuring a group of dancers flopping around nonsensically around a heavier woman (see video below), and another for Jell-O pudding involving a mop-topped tween dancing with a fake cow. The former commercial, aimed at dieters, is a train wreck of aesthetic, seemingly choreographed by a spastic, while the latter is creepy and that stupid fake cow shakes its ass at the camera as if to say “you like this? cause this is where pudding comes from!” Tying the whole thing together is a painfully catchy jingle, apparently spawned by a member of Barenaked Ladies (who, not surprisingly, are one of the worst things ever).

It’s a nightmare that will haunt you for days, so I say watch the video only - and ONLY - if you are prepared to know unfettered truths.

See? Horrible!

Which begs the question, Why does Jell-O even need to advertise? Coca-Cola barely advertises, yet in the marketplace, they outweigh Pepsi which is an advertising machine. Coke is everywhere - when was the last time you went into a restaurant and asked for a Coke and they didn’t have soda? Wasn’t that strange? It probably made you wonder if the place was run by terrorists or retarded kids. And Coke has its competition; Jell-O has the clear monopoly on the whole gelatin dessert market. I wonder if at the annual shareholders’ meeting, the top brass at My-T-Fine grin the confident smile of hubris and declare that “this is going to be the year we take down Jell-O!”

Probably - no, definitely - not.

So how about it, Jell-O? Shut the fuck up! We’ll keep on buying anyway!

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