Like most individuals in the world termed by mentally retarded periodicals such as Us Magazine as “The Blogosphere,” I am curious to see who is reading the garbage I churn out on this thing. Fortunately, services like Sitemeter allow me to have a look at where my visitors are arriving from, and the backend program which runs the site let me screen comments if their sources are potentially suspect (i.e. spammers). As I poured over the statistics coming in from Google, I noticed that a considerable chunk of my audience is coming from Google.de with the search term “piss.” My Deutsch is a little rusty, so auf Englisch I extend a warm, moist welcome to web sojourners from the Rhineland to the Bavarian forest to Berlin who like adding pee to their sexual menu. Unfortunately for you, this site is not about anything having to do with pee, except maybe the iconic photograph of Fergie pissing herself at a Black Eyed Peas concert that in all likelihood steered you here from Google. Nonetheless, I invite you to stick around, as we have a lot in common other than urine: I’m cold, often lacking in emotion, I like beer, Kraftwerk and Alps, and above all else, I’m trying to “keep it real” after being warned twice.

I’d also like to say hello to the spambots who have changed their tactics lately, switching from unabashed posts that spill out links to sex, gambling and prescription drug sites to throwing down little encouraging phrases (which include hyperlinks, naturally) such as “good post, keep up the good work!” or “I like what you have to say, very on target!” Some even go so far as to pull out keywords and respond with prewritten comments. For instance if I wrote “Tom Cruise” and “Katie Holmes” in one post, a comment would likely read “OMG, if TomKat and Brangelina broke up the world would end! OMG!” Wow! Now you’re speaking my language! Sign me up for some viagra, online poker, and I want to watch a petite blonde get fucked by a tiger!

In conclusion, I have none (once again).

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