I have to give it to the scientific and law enforcement communities throughout the world for going out of their way to create non-lethal weapons for the purpose of maintaining peace and order in our society in an ethical fashion; case in point, deep bass sonic blasts to force rioters to immediately crap their pants or tasers in lieu of bullets to fill literally hours and hours of episodes of Cops. Tonight, I witnessed first hand a new technology one might call “auditory castration,” which when presented at the correct frequency can be used to evacuate any trace of testosterone from the human body temporarily, thus acting potentially as an immediate deterrent to sex criminals. The effect is quite startling, even to sexually healthy, law abiding citizens. Having been exposed to it by accident this evening, I experienced a menstrual period and was really into Gray’s Anatomy for approximately four minutes (the average duration of usage). Now strangely, this technology is not necessarily named to reflect its intended purpose, but nonetheless, the scientific and law communities have decided to brand it as “James Blunt.”

Fuck you, James Blunt.
Seriously.

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